A Rear Ender

The pick-up truck zoomed backward out of a Chinatown alley. No way the driver looked.

Luckily I have rapid reflexes. I hit the horn and the brakes at the same time. Then, the instant I stopped - just as the truck started to hit me - I threw it in reverse. There was a little contact but no damage.

"Why don't you look where you're going," I told the driver, a twenty something American born Chinese.

"Fuck you. Any moron could see me backing up - asshole!"

"You're the asshole!"

"You white mother fucker!"

"Ni bu shi donxi," I responded in Mandarin. It translates to: "you're not even a thing."

"You speak Chinese?"

"A little."

"Well - fuck you!"

A typical exchange. You get a chance to blow off a little steam. It's all part of the job.

"What an asshole!" My customer said from the back seat. He was about 55 and in the middle of a middle-aged spread.

"However," his wife, a statuesque blond of 35, added in a slight Swedish accent, "our driver was at fault."

"What? The guy blew out of that alley."

"Our driver should have been paying more attention."

"Attention! If he didn't back up, we could'a been killed."

"If he wasn't looking at China girl's asses, he would've seen the truck earlier."

"What the hell do you know about it?" he said starting to shout. "You don't even drive!"

"I don't have to be a driver," she shouted back, "to know a bad one!"

"Stop shouting!" He shouted.

"You stop shouting." She screamed.

"If don't mellow out, you're gonna be alone with your dildo tonight."

"I finish with the dildo every night anyway."

"What? With your love master here?"

"The only thing you've mastered is premature ejaculation."

"I hate to interrupt," I said interrupting, "but which one of you is paying?"

"Who do think is paying?" he asked sarcastically.

"You mean, you're going to give this asshole money?" she asked incredulously. "He nearly killed us."

"Of course I'm paying him - he saved out lives."

She got out behind me, slammed the door and walked around the cab while her husband counted out my money. Then he she opened the front door on the passenger side and stuck her head inside.

"You boys take all the time you want," she said looking at me with a suggestive smile, "he just loves being rear-ended."

She slammed the front door and started walking up the street.

"Sorry about that," I said.

"Forget it," he said. "Of course I'll apologize. ... They never give in. ... She's my fifth wife. ... Can you believe it?"