Sunday, March 27, 2011

Cultural Refinement

I took an app hail the the de Young Museum where the opening night of the Balenciaga exhibit was just breaking. A message from Mica said that she's be walking out the front.
When I turned the corner onto the museum road a bejeweled, skinny, elderly woman in a $5,000 dress jumped in back.
"The museum called for me," she said, "I'm Rossi."
"That's not the name I was given," I said. "Besides the call had come from a smart phone."
"We have to get my husband - Bill!" she screeched in my ear.
"You're screeching in my ear."
"Sorry," she said rolling down the window and sticking her head out to screech again, "Bill!"
We pulled in front of three 30ish, attractive women, one of whom was waving a cell phone and looking at me.
I rolled down the back window as the tuxedoed Bill, stocky and balding, climbed in front.
"I'm Mica,"  the woman shouted hopefully.
"Oh - you're the one," I shouted back and turned to the woman in the back seat. "I'm sorry, they called."
"Oh! Fuck it! - just go!"
"Sorry but I came for them."
"Go! You stupid ass! Go!"
Mica climbed in back followed by one of her friends.
"No wonder you're alone," the woman said to Mica, "what man would bed you?"
"What a wench!" Mica retorted as her blond friend leaned forward and caressed Bill's bald spot.
"Whatta you think Harold?" she enticed. "You wanna come with us or you wanna stick with this decaying skank?"
Harold/Bill wanted to get out to the cab as fast his chubby body would allow.
"Come back here, you wimp!" the woman shouted after him.
"I'm sorry ma'am but you've got to leave," I said politely. 
She glared at me defiantly.
“Come on. Please. This is their cab.”
She turned away and ignored me.
Suddenly my buried Germanic heritage popped out.

"Schnell!" I commanded. "Schnell!"
The woman bolted out of the taxi and then leaned back to snarl, "Sluts!"
A tall brunet, who had climbed in the front seat, calmly countered in a refined English accent, "Bite me, bitch!"
We drove away in silence for a moment then the brunet and Mica spoke in unison to the blond,
"Decaying skank?"
They broke into giggles.
Then, they all turned to me,
We drove off laughing into the night, warmed by the embrace of higher culture.